You will “never” find true love. Why?
Although, I have tried to keep this blog strictly “official” or “professional”, I am going to cheat a little bit here and write about dating. My hope is that a lot of men and women in the corporate world might be going through complex relationship scenarios themselves and this small blog post by me could be a good supplement for better decision making. A healthy relationship will definitely give you a lot of mental stability in turn boosting your performance at work.
I just happened to watch “Hang the DJ” episode from Black Mirror and thought I could start by quickly talking about it. If you haven’t watched it yet, please stop reading — I don’t want to spoil the story for you. Let me start by saying, “Love” is highly overrated in Hollywood and Bollywood. Nothing about modern day relationships starts with love although I will give the show some points for the concept of 1000 simulations to find right match! 😀
Now, why do I say “love” is highly overrated. Before I dive into the topic, let me first quickly tell you the scientific basis on which I have made this argument. Firstly, I am a professional dating coach for men 25–30, most of whom are believe it or not “virgins” but I have helped them attract beautiful women as girlfriends or wives. Second, I have met lots of drop dead gorgeous and smart women in life and understood what goes on in the minds of women today in the context of dating and lastly, I lived 5 years of my life as a Buddhist like monk wherein I studied deeply about subject matters of “love” and got an absolute understanding about the meaning of it. So, although my perspective might not be absolute (you will never get that from anybody anyhow!), it’s nevertheless as close to reality as it can get.
The scenario as it exists today is quite different than what existed 50–100 years back especially in India wherein “arranged marriages” were the norm. Just in the last 5 years, India has become the top marketplace for dating apps like Tinder after US.
Get this right and I would like to hear some feedback from both men and women. The approach towards dating is actually quite different between men and women. Now, any comment I make in this post is a generalized comment and not meant to specifically point or dis-color either of the sexes. I have especially found some men being egoistic and start showing false bravado instead of taking my thoughts as an intellectual conversation. My request to those men is “there is no women to impress here, so calm down please. LOL!!”.
So, here is the holy grail information…
Early stages of attraction among people today is very animalistic based on factors like looks, power, money, opinion of peers etc rather than personality which does play role but way down the time-line of events leading up to conjugal matchmaking.
And women and men approach matches in quite different ways. It’s not at all equal from any perspective. Women for instance get attracted to a potential match based on what other’s “think” about the match. To give you an analogy that is common to everyone, think about how you make purchase decisions on Amazon or Flipkart. Do you go hit the buy button immediately after seeing the picture of the product. NOOOO!!! The picture of the product might help you to give it a deeper look but you will definitely check out reviews from other customers before making the purchase. This is exactly the process that women use when it comes to filtering who they like or not. I will not go deep into this process right now but I will tell you this to all women out there, this is also the reason why “Good guys finish last. LOL!!” because they hardly have any reviews. On the other hand, men are way more visual when it comes to getting attracted to a potential match. They do not need or have a peer-reviewed system but rather looks are everything in the initial stages. The common analogy for men is, let’s say someone offers you a box of Gulab Jamoons, you don’t go about seeking reviews from everyone irrespective where the Jamoons came from. You will just want to put one in mouth without wasting much time. This is exactly how most men are wired when it comes to dating.
So, let me bring some data here to support the above claim. Like I mentioned, I have been a dating coaching for men. Most of them either had one relationship ever or completely virgin. In fact, 70% of urban men are virgins before marriage and that is exactly reverse for women — 70% of urban women are NOT virgins. So, some of the men I have worked with have a lot going for themselves like great earning, good personality, great physique etc etc but completely rejected by women. I tend to work with these guys and help them develop good communication (which is all most men need) and boom they start getting results. You will be surprised, the woman who does end up with one of my students as girlfriend or wife will have showers of praise after they get past the early “amazon stage”.
On the same note, i have met quite a few drop dead gorgeous women in my life who are very smart as well but ended up in an abusive relationship with a person whom they initially thought were in “love” or “trust”. The data for such things is more than just random occurrences these days. Look around in your friend circle today, I am sure you will find someone who is either in an abusive relationship or were in an abusive relationship before. Why does this happen to women? Believe it or not, it’s the same “amazon” effect giving it’s side effects.
Last but not the least, I would like to end this post on a positive note and claim that against all odds posed by society today — there is definitely a way by which you can attract “love”. One has to remember this about any relationship — short term, long term, long distance, or even one night stand. Relationship is a place where you go to give! Of course, one does derive a lot of happiness and benefits by being in a relationship however the object of a relationship is the person with whom you are in one. Your goal should be selflessly serve this person in anyway that makes them happy. Being said, make sure you choose the right partner who is “worthy” of your giving! All abusive relationships has one person “giving” too much to a person who does not deserve that “giving”. End those relationships right away! When you do find your ideal match and the feeling is mutual in terms of “giving” — you will stand strong against any and all challenges that life might throw at you.